What to Do When You Can’t Let Go of the Little Things? A Guide On How To Let Go Of Little Things

I recently had a discovery call with a client (who is also a lawyer) that ended with him wanting to work with me.  After sending him my contract, he replied in a scathing email that he no longer wanted to work with me and his reasons centered around my lack of an air-tight contract.  Now, evading a lengthy/scary/overly aggressive contract was very intentional on my part. When entering into a coaching relationship with a client, I don’t want to stick the Dobermans on him/her just as we are beginning a relationship that centers around vulnerability and trust. But to this man who had been focused his entire professional career on legal excellence, it was highly offensive and led him to call me “unprofessional.” For a moment, it induced the feelings of self-doubt in me but thankfully, I knew how to see through it and overcome self-doubt so I did what I had to do.

Logically, I understood his perspective. When you’re educated exclusively on how to evaluate the color red, you overlook all of other colors and can’t see anything but red.  But emotionally, having a prospective client call me unprofessional hit me hard. Because I have worked so hard to become an excellent coach.  And every time I open myself up to a potential client, there is a small but meaningful connection that is formed.  But we had such a limited interaction, I asked myself: why am I letting this get to me? Normally, I could easily dismiss this comment and move on.  What was different now?

This led me to reflect on all the other times in my career that events that should have been easily brushed off but lingered in my psyche for way too long. And I realized, this happens all the time for my clients. This blog explores why and what to do when it happens to you or in other words "How to let go of little things before they destroy you mental peace?" Don't let things get to you and destroy everything you have worked so hard your entire life for.

Why do we let the opinions of people who have little or no role in our life impact us so greatly?

As I broke this down, a few things occurred to me:

1. I was really tied to the outcome

I’m about to pass a huge financial milestone in my business and this sale got me really, really close to a goal I’ve had in sight since I started my business.

The more tied we are to the outcome that this individual impacts, the harder their feedback will hit us

For example, if you have a boss or top customer who offers negative feedback, this is going to weigh more heavily on you than the average Joe or Jane because their opinion can directly impact your work outcomes.

The opinions and feedback of influential individuals, such as a boss or a top customer, carry significant weight and can have a profound impact on one's professional trajectory. Unlike feedback from the average person, the evaluations from these individuals hold greater significance due to their ability to directly influence work outcomes.

When a boss or top customer offers negative feedback, it can trigger a heightened emotional response and create a sense of pressure or concern. This is understandable, as their opinions have the potential to shape decisions, evaluations, promotions, or even continued business relationships. The stakes are higher because their judgments can directly affect the success and progress of one's work.

It is important to recognize the power dynamics at play in such situations and the potential impact on one's confidence and motivation. Negative feedback from these influential individuals may require careful consideration and constructive response, as it holds the potential to shape future opportunities and collaborations. It is crucial to maintain professionalism, resilience, and a growth mindset while addressing their feedback and taking appropriate action to improve.

At the same time, it is essential not to overlook the value of feedback from other sources. Input from peers, mentors, or even customers who may not hold the same level of influence can still provide valuable insights and perspectives. Seeking a well-rounded range of feedback and considering multiple viewpoints can help provide a more comprehensive understanding of one's performance and areas for growth. The concept of How to let go of little things becomes even more important in such cases.

Ultimately, while negative feedback from a boss or top customer may carry significant weight, it is important to maintain a balanced perspective and not let it overshadow other valuable feedback. Learn how to let go of small things and it will benefit you in the long run. By embracing feedback as an opportunity for growth and learning, individuals can navigate these situations with resilience and professionalism, ensuring that they continue to strive for excellence in their work.

2. The nature of the comment directly criticized one of my top priorities

My family, my career, and my friends are the top priorities in my life.  And it’s important that I show up in a helpful and productive way in all three areas.  So, him calling me unprofessional violated one of my primary scorecards in life.

Balancing multiple priorities in life, such as family, career, and friendships, is a common challenge that many individuals face. Each of these areas holds significant importance, and it is crucial to show up in a helpful and productive manner in all of them.

When someone, like your boss or a top customer, labels you as unprofessional, it can feel like a violation of one of your core values and priorities. This assessment strikes at the heart of your commitment to being reliable, competent, and respectful in your professional interactions. As a result, it can have a profound impact on your sense of self and your overall satisfaction in life. Thus, learning how to let go of little things is crucial for your professional success too.

Having your professionalism questioned can be disheartening and cause you to reflect on how you are perceived in the workplace. It may lead you to reassess your actions, communication style, or approach to work. It is important to take this feedback as an opportunity for self-reflection and growth, examining if there are areas where you can improve and align more closely with your personal values and goals.

However, it is crucial not to let this feedback define your entire worth or overshadow the successes and positive contributions you bring to your family, friends, and other areas of your life. Recognize that feedback, even if it stings, is a chance for self-improvement and growth. Use it as motivation to enhance your professional skills and strive for excellence, while also ensuring that you maintain a healthy balance among your various priorities.

Remember, one person's evaluation does not define your entire identity or determine your success in all aspects of life. Let go of small things by continuing to prioritize your family, career, and friendships, and by consistently striving to show up in a helpful and productive way, you can maintain a sense of fulfillment and achievement across all areas of your life.

The closer to our core priorities the comment hits, the harder will be to ignore it

What are your top priorities?  How have they been unfairly criticized by someone who didn’t have visibility to all the pertinent pieces?

3. My energy fuel tank is lower than usual

because I’m well into my second trimester of pregnancy.  This naturally impacts my resilience and lowers my emotional bandwidth.

The lower your energy/the higher your stress, the easier it is for emotion to overtake logic

Having a condition that slows you down or negatively impacts your normal routine can be stressful.  Not getting enough sleep can also have a significant impact.  Not building in time for self-care/recovery… you get the idea.  All of these extenuating circumstances lowers our ability to fend off hurtful remarks that normally wouldn’t phase us.

Now that we’ve broken down the reasons why small, seemingly insignificant remarks can wreak more havoc than they should, let’s move onto solutions of how to let go of small things and everything associated to it.

How to Prevent Hurtful Comments from Defining You

1. Immediately, in the moment, step away from the hurtful stimuli

and give yourself time to move through the emotions before responding

Whatever you do, don’t let this stimuli provoke you into an action that doesn’t align with your values. If I had immediately responded to his remark, I would have had some choice words to share which likely, would have perpetuated a string of even worse outcomes- bad reviews online, verbal criticism shared with his network, maybe even some legal recourse.  The thing I’ve learned from years of experience is to ensure that your emotions don’t overtake your response.  Nothing good every comes from it and you end up beating yourself up on top of managing the sting from the criticism.  Trust me, don’t do it.  Give yourself time to breathe and reflect first.

2. After you’ve had time, logic through the variables that may not be obvious

In my case, this client came to me because he had been rejected after behavioral interviews with two companies.  He was in a space of lowered confidence and questioning his worth.  When some people get into this space, they lash out at others as a way of feeling more in control.

Bottom line: this wasn’t about me, it was about him.  

Nine times out of ten, you will often bear the grunt force of someone’s anger because they are scared/nervous/feeling inadequate.  With that in mind, what might your offender be going through that would influence how they reacted? How can you take this less personally knowing that if they were in a different mental space, they likely wouldn’t have said this?

This comment does not determine your self-worth, only you can do that.

3. Question the core assumptions that you are forming

In my case, a piece of me wanted to retreat, hire a lawyer and make my contract perfect before I continued to seek clients.  I was starting to take his feedback as gospel.  But that wasn’t the answer.  I have two years worth of numerous clients who had gladly agreed to my contract and our work together, defined by the terms of the contract, has been transformative. So the answer wasn't to retreat. However, was there something I could learn from this?  Yes- it did feel like the right time to focus on the legal side of my business.  What learnings can you take from your most recent negative encounter?

After reflecting, what I've concluded is that this experience reminded me that only I can define how I feel about myself and my work. It also highlighted an opportunity to strengthen my business by tightening up the attention to the legal side of my operation. In the end, I thank him for perpetuating this valuable learning that will help me continue to grow and I truly hope he finds a more constructive way to manage his stress in the future. Reading this blog, I expect you were able to grasp a better hold of how to let go of little things in life so they don't weigh you down from achieving all the success they you deserve to achieve.